The Ugly

I feel weary...granted, if you see me or talk to me tomorrow, I'll feel better.  Writing always does that- I get it out and over with, and then I'm fine for a while.

But I will tell you what happened on Christmas, so I can get onto more pertinent and profitable information.

Josiah's grandfather came to pick Josiah up at my parents' house.  Justin had our boy, his stuff, and a Christmas present for David in tote when he greeted them in the driveway.  Just when he was about to make the exchange, the grandfather got nasty.  "Why are you giving me a present?!" he says.  "All I want is my grandson."  Then he goes off on a five minute tirade of how his lawyer told him we had gone back on our decision to give him over.  Justin tried to correct the faulty information, but he couldn't get a word in edgewise.  There I stood with my family looking out our big bay window watching this awful scene of my husband getting verbally abused for something he didn't do...like giving up Josiah oh Christmas wasn't painful enough.

The man left without taking the present, and Justin came in the house feeling defeated and emotional.  He called the caseworker and left a message telling her that the situation has become unbearable and we needed help (in so many words.)  I'll leave the rest of the one-sided conversation to your imagination.

I wished I hadn't had been in my flannel pajamas, or I would have been out there, trying to defend Justin, or at least telling him to walk away.  I can't imagine why anyone could be so mean to someone like my sweet husband, when all we are trying to do is the right thing.  It further solidified that we can't live a life that is connected to this man in any way.  It's not safe for my family.

He called back five minutes to apologize, in his usual fashion, but my entire family felt awful for what this family is putting us through, let alone the confusion it is causing Josiah.

A few days later, the case worker called and Justin explained what had happened.  I think it helped her see how dire our situation is and how ready we are for this all to be over.  Her supervisor called us the next day and Justin reiterated the story to her too.

And two days ago, I had to tell the law guardian about the decision of how we want to try to get Josiah into a permanent home as soon as possible.  Everyone we talk to tries to talk us out of it.  They say they don't want us to rush into anything, and that they just wish the grandfather had taken him from the beginning.  We all agree.  But putting it off any longer isn't going to change things- its going to make it worse.  For everyone.  The law guardian says that she thinks DYFS will be able to move him within a few weeks since he's already had a few overnight visits.

I'm tired.  I have an ultrasound tomorrow morning.  And I'll be honest, if something goes wrong, I'm going to throw a tantrum like a two year old.