An Update on Josiah!

Sometimes people ask us if we hear about Josiah.  The answer is no.  The grandparents never call.  DYFS never calls.  (They finally stopped calling about 2 months ago for wanting to place another child with us, even though we told them we were closing our home in February.)  And we never call to ask.  We learned from the lovely encounter on Josiah's birthday, that sometimes not knowing things is better. But yesterday, Justin finally had a reason to call DYFS because he needed some paperwork that they had.  He was able to ask about our little man.

I don't have much news, but they say he is doing well and loving being with his brother.  The bad news:  the parents STILL will not relinquish their rights, and the state has not officially taken them away.  So that probably means he's still subjected to stupid visitation every week with them, and the poor grandparents are still having to go to pointless court hearings.  This was disheartening.  More than anything I want permanency and a forever home for Josiah, even if it isn't my home.

Justin and I were talking about how much we miss him still.  We went to a friend's house that had one of Josiah's toys that he used to play with, and the sounds that it made triggered an empty feeling in my gut.  I just never know when the feeling will knock me down.  Justin and I were thankful after we heard the latest, that as much as it hurt letting him go, God probably saved us from a lot of pain and heartache in the long run.  We would STILL have been dealing with visitation, and court, and craziness.  I can't imagine having to explain things to Molly, who now understands and repeats everything that I tell her.  We still have pictures of Josiah in our house, and Molly talks about him.  The other day she wanted to pray for him.  I can't decide if it's a good or bad thing to let his memory linger around the house.  It makes me both happy and sad at the same time.  

I do know that I'm ready to finally take our family picture down and replace it with a new one.  I'm ready to celebrate our family of 4....it's a different 4 than it was this time last year.  Its the 4 God designed for us to have right now, and I am so thankful for both of my girls.

All that being said, please pray for Josiah and his family.

Giraffes, Syrup, and welcoming Levi!

I LOVE animals, which is why I used to love going to the zoo.  That's not why I like to go anymore. Because as much as I like to see animals, nothing makes me happier than seeing Molly see animals.  I think the first time we went with her, I took more pictures of her looking at them than I took of the animals themselves.  (Granted, she was more interested in showing me where all the fences were.  "Look, Mama!  A fence!" was what she kept saying over and over as we strolled through the park.  It was a frustrating endeavor for me to try to help her get the best experience she could from our trip.)

The next time we went, Sadie was 2 weeks old.  (I know...am I crazy!?!?)  Sadie made it clear that she wanted no part of the zoo until she had her belly filled, so I found a shaded bench by the giraffes and fed her.  It was funny watching other people as they walked by to look at the exhibit.  When parents were with children, it was almost like they had each received the same script.

"Look!  Do you see the giraffe?!?!"  (Finger outstretched in the air.)  "Look at his long neck!  Do you see it?"

"Of course they see it," I thought to myself.  "It's 15 feet high and right in front of them.  Stop treating your kid like an idiot."  But of course, after I was done feeding Sadie, I scooped Molly up in my arms and said the exact same thing to her.

It is a natural human desire to have the people you love experience what you love at the same time you are.

It is no different with friends.  I want my friends to love what I love, which is why it is often painful to have a relationship with someone who deserves what you have.  It's like sitting next to your friend and both of you are eating the best pancakes in the world, except you get to enjoy it with syrup and they don't.  It doesn't matter if they taste good. You can't possibly enjoy the pancakes as much as you would like to, knowing that your friend isn't able to enjoy them fully.

It was like that with my friend, Jen.  She never would want me to feel guilty for having what I have.  I loved watching her with Molly and Sadie, mostly because I knew how much she loves them.  Still, there is that aching feeling of knowing what an amazing mother she is and watching God continually make her long for the thing she desires most.

...and then, she called me last week to tell me that her son was born and that she and her husband, Micah, were flying out to Oklahoma to get him!  I had a hard time focusing on anything for the next few days, and spent this whole week checking her facebook and blog for any updates or pictures.  (I'm sure I wasn't the only one.) :o)      

This may be a very selfish way of looking at things, but I have no other way to explain it.  My world is a happier place knowing that my friend is happier in it, and knowing that she gets to show the best of that world to her son, Levi.

Maybe one day we can take Molly, and Sadie, and Levi to the zoo together and watch their faces as they watch the giraffes.    

God is good.  And life is plate-lickin' sweet.

Minga, Tenga, and CoCo

One day, Molly, I'll have a conversation with your future husband and we'll discuss how special you were as a child.  :o)  

I love this girl.  

Celebrating Molly

My little girl turned 2 today.  I can believe it.  She's been displaying signs of "terrible two's" for months now.  With the passing of the anniversary of this special day, I am honored to look back and be thankful for the gift she is to me, my family, and our friends.

I'm not a huge fan of birthday parties.  Maybe it's the overwhelming guilt of spending money and asking others to spend money that makes me get a knot in my stomach.  It's not like she needs anything.  The girl's favorite toys are giant bottles of spices from BJ's.  They have names.  I call them paprika, garlic salt and red pepper flakes.  To her they are Tenga, Minga, and Coco.  Sometimes they are trains, sometimes they invite each other over for dinner,  sometimes stack on top of each other and they are towers.  I just love her and her imagination.  ...alright, maybe the girl needs some dolls.

But...as the date quickly approached in between the middle of the chaos of summer ending and school beginning, I felt the need as a "good" mother to make sure the day was celebrated.  And I'm glad I did.  Today a few of our friends and family gathered at my parents' house under their beautiful picnic pavilion to tell Molly that she was loved.

Last year the theme was "girl."  This year the theme was "flower."  I'm trying my best to avoid the Disney princess party that I see looming in the very near future...  (I want to wait until she's going to remember it so it can be extra special if I'm going to pony up the cash to buy the necessary Princess decor.)

bouncy house = another way for Molly to boss other kids around.

centerpieces...  

B, birthday girl, one proud mama

she loved her watermelon...

...as you can see 

cupcakes that took way to long to make, but I loved them. 

2! 

Special Agent Oso from Pop-pop and B.  She was giggling and just saying "He's so si-wee."  over and over.  It was adorable!  

and the big hit of the day from Uncle Gregg....

It took her forever to get going because each time she pushed the button to make it go two inches, she felt the need to celebrate her accomplishment.  

"I did it!"

"I did it again!"

Then she got the hang of it...

...and then it was Oso's turn to push the button.  

and of course, there was a whole lot of Sadie-passing around...

and some sheep feeding...

I'm glad we decided to celebrate our sweet girl!  

Happy Birthday, Molly Grace!