Ok people...
I know that a lot more people read my blog than have commented to win an illustration and I would really like to give you the chance to win! :o) That's right---YOU! It just takes a second.
I've decided to extend the date to give a few more people a chance, and given the holiday weekend and the possibility that many of you may be away from your computer, I want to give you some extra time. So I'll pick an entry at random at 9:00pm Tuesday, June 1st.
I've also received some comments saying that they don't know how to enter because they don't have a "username" and password. NO WORRIES! Shoot me an email at meganbenson81 at gmail dot com. (I spell it out on the blog to avoid market scamming, but you'll do the email the regular way.)
Thank you again for your encouragement and prayers. I just want to return the favor in a small way to one lucky reader :o)
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
A reason to celebrate and a GIVEAWAY!!!!
Twenty five.
I know that getting 1/6th of the way through the book of Psalms doesn't seem like a huge accomplishment, but I didn't want to wait until I did 25 more to celebrate. I wanted to start this blog as a way to document my devotions- honestly just for a few people who I had shared that I was doing this with. I know that I was more likely to be faithful in doing devotions if I felt I was accountable to someone- so I wanted to blog about the lessons I was learning.... and really just force my sisters to read them :o) I never imagined it would turn into something so introspective and personal and honest. I'm so glad I'm able to look back at God's faithfulness. I am humbled and honored and encouraged when I hear and read that people are praying for my family and are strengthened in their own faith through this blog.
So as a way to celebrate and to thank you, reader, I want to give away an illustration. 5 x 7", colored with vibrant Prismacolors, framed and matted.
Here's the deal:
All you have to do is leave a comment and in that comment tell me your favorite illustration. I hope that it depicts a verse that is encouraging to you. I hope that when you see it, it will remind you of a characteristic of God that you need to claim as truth and apply to your life.
Here is a list of all of the illustrations thus far: Psalms 1-25.
I know that some of the illustrations are personal, so if there is anything you would like me to change in it to apply more to you, I can do that!
On Sunday May 30th, I'll do a little random number generator action and announce the winner!
Thank you for reading. And thank you more for praying. :o)
Happy commenting.
I know that getting 1/6th of the way through the book of Psalms doesn't seem like a huge accomplishment, but I didn't want to wait until I did 25 more to celebrate. I wanted to start this blog as a way to document my devotions- honestly just for a few people who I had shared that I was doing this with. I know that I was more likely to be faithful in doing devotions if I felt I was accountable to someone- so I wanted to blog about the lessons I was learning.... and really just force my sisters to read them :o) I never imagined it would turn into something so introspective and personal and honest. I'm so glad I'm able to look back at God's faithfulness. I am humbled and honored and encouraged when I hear and read that people are praying for my family and are strengthened in their own faith through this blog.
So as a way to celebrate and to thank you, reader, I want to give away an illustration. 5 x 7", colored with vibrant Prismacolors, framed and matted.
Here's the deal:
All you have to do is leave a comment and in that comment tell me your favorite illustration. I hope that it depicts a verse that is encouraging to you. I hope that when you see it, it will remind you of a characteristic of God that you need to claim as truth and apply to your life.
Here is a list of all of the illustrations thus far: Psalms 1-25.
I know that some of the illustrations are personal, so if there is anything you would like me to change in it to apply more to you, I can do that!
On Sunday May 30th, I'll do a little random number generator action and announce the winner!
Thank you for reading. And thank you more for praying. :o)
Happy commenting.
Psalm Twenty-Five: Show, Teach, and Guide
"Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths, guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." v. 4-5
"The LORD confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them. My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare." v. 14-15
God,
I pray that the path and choices I will make will always be guided first by your wisdom. Help me to never lose hope. I thank you that you promise to reveal yourself to me if I am seeking you. Please keep me focused on the things I should be- and far from the thoughts that will entangle me as I walk with you.
This illustration was supposed to show a raised path with slippery slopes and snares below. One wrong step and I'd be down in the pit again. That's how I felt- I was in my second trimester with Molly, but I wouldn't let myself believe that she existed. It hurt too much to hope. But I did so desperately want to know God more, and I felt God telling me that that was what I needed to be focused on- not looking to either side and wondering if one wrong step was going to cause the demise of yet another unfulfilled dream. But as the psalmist states, his hope did not lay in circumstances, he hoped in the Lord. Good reminder.
That still is a lesson I need to apply to my life today. I can't tell you the countless hours I've spent smelling Josiah's hair with his head tucked under my chin just trying to soak in the smell. Or kissing his chubby cheeks wondering if he knows how much I love him, hoping he'll remember the sound of my voice or how safe he felt when I laid him in his favorite corner of the crib. I can sob on command when I think about a caseworker pulling away from the house with Josiah strapped to the car seat crying uncontrollably and wondering what's happening.
But none of this is about him. None of this is about me. It's not about building my family, or even being a "good person," or making sure Molly learns to be charitable. When it comes down to it- here's the bare bones:
I want to look back and know God more because of the path He took me through.
It's about God showing- and me acknowledging I see His plan.
It's about God teaching- and me actually learning and applying those lessons.
It's about God guiding- and me following Him.
It's about acknowledging God as Savior- and me putting my hope and trust in Him.
God is going to confide His plan to me if I fear Him. He's going to keep my feet walking the right path if I keep my eyes on Him. I don't need to think about the snares if I'm acknowledging, learning, applying, following, and hoping. Oh, verbs. Easy to say. Hard to do.
"The LORD confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them. My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare." v. 14-15
God,
I pray that the path and choices I will make will always be guided first by your wisdom. Help me to never lose hope. I thank you that you promise to reveal yourself to me if I am seeking you. Please keep me focused on the things I should be- and far from the thoughts that will entangle me as I walk with you.
This illustration was supposed to show a raised path with slippery slopes and snares below. One wrong step and I'd be down in the pit again. That's how I felt- I was in my second trimester with Molly, but I wouldn't let myself believe that she existed. It hurt too much to hope. But I did so desperately want to know God more, and I felt God telling me that that was what I needed to be focused on- not looking to either side and wondering if one wrong step was going to cause the demise of yet another unfulfilled dream. But as the psalmist states, his hope did not lay in circumstances, he hoped in the Lord. Good reminder.
That still is a lesson I need to apply to my life today. I can't tell you the countless hours I've spent smelling Josiah's hair with his head tucked under my chin just trying to soak in the smell. Or kissing his chubby cheeks wondering if he knows how much I love him, hoping he'll remember the sound of my voice or how safe he felt when I laid him in his favorite corner of the crib. I can sob on command when I think about a caseworker pulling away from the house with Josiah strapped to the car seat crying uncontrollably and wondering what's happening.
But none of this is about him. None of this is about me. It's not about building my family, or even being a "good person," or making sure Molly learns to be charitable. When it comes down to it- here's the bare bones:
I want to look back and know God more because of the path He took me through.
It's about God showing- and me acknowledging I see His plan.
It's about God teaching- and me actually learning and applying those lessons.
It's about God guiding- and me following Him.
It's about acknowledging God as Savior- and me putting my hope and trust in Him.
God is going to confide His plan to me if I fear Him. He's going to keep my feet walking the right path if I keep my eyes on Him. I don't need to think about the snares if I'm acknowledging, learning, applying, following, and hoping. Oh, verbs. Easy to say. Hard to do.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
SUMMER ART ENRICHMENT
If you know any 2nd-8th graders who would like to have a little art fun this summer, here are a few classes I'm offering. Feel free to pass this info along to anyone who may be interested. I can also email you a brochure if you'd like. Thank you, readers!
CREATION CELEBRATION!
Our amazing Creator spoke our world into existence in six days. This summer will be painting, sculpting, drawing, and crafting to explore what God made on each day of the Creation Story.
1.Light and Darkness
Wednesday, June 30th
Let there be light! We will be making two types of candles in this session. We will also be sculpting two kinds of candle holders out of clay.
2. Sky and Sea
Wednesday, July 7th
Do you love to paint? Do you want to learn how to make your paintings look more real? We will be exploring watercolor resist techniques and applying rules of perspective to paint a beautiful sea scape.
3. Plants
Wednesday, July 14th
We will be using plants as our inspiration to make a batik wall hanging. Learn how to make natural dye from plants. We will also be learning to tie-dye, so please bring a white T-shirt to this session.
4. Sun, Moon, & Stars
Wednesday, July 21st
We will be making our own scratch boards to make a colorful collage of the elements of the forth day of creation. This abstract technique combines painting and drawing to create a colorful masterpiece you will treasure.
5. Birds & Fish
Wednesday, July 28th
What exciting creatures lurk and soar above and below the sea? We will be constructing a diorama that will show the exciting life above and below sea level. Techniques in sculpting creatures will be taught using Model Magic. Please bring an empty shoe box to this session.
6. Animals
Wednesday, August 4th
Bring in your favorite photograph of a pet or picture of your favorite animal. We will be learning to draw animals using a secret techniques artists have used for centuries to make their drawings look perfectly proportioned and life-like.
7. People
Wednesday, August 11th
Drawing people can be the most difficult and challenging of all subject matter. We will be discussing how to draw faces and make them look real.
8. Creation Celebration!
Wednesday, August 25th
We will be having an art party to celebrate all we have made this summer! The day will be a “free day” to use any of the art supplies and techniques we used this summer to create something of your choosing. This is a great day to complete any unfinished work. We will also be making some edible art to enjoy together.
Each session will be held at Swan Bay Folk Art Center in Port Republic from 10:00 to 12:00. Classes are open to students entering into grades second through eighth. The cost of each session is $25 which includes all supplies. Sign up for seven sessions, and the eighth is free.
Class size is limited. Please contact Megan Benson to Register.
meganbenson81 at gmail dot com
300 Sooy’s Landing Rd.
Port Republic, NJ 08241
*Private art lessons available upon request for $15/hour for each student.*
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Psalm Twenty-Four: Open the Gates
"Lift up your heads, O you gates; be lifted up you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in.
Who is the King of glory? The LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle.
Lift up your heads, O you gates; lift them up, you ancient doors that the King of glory may come in.
Who is he- this King of glory?
The LORD Almighty- he is the King of Glory." v 7-10
God,
It is easy to trust in You when nothing is happening- to just be still and know that you are God and rest in hope and realize that Your promises will one day come to fruition. But when what I have prayed for begins to happen, I feel familiar walls start being rebuilt. God, I do not want to stop knowing who You are because I am afraid of what You may or may not do in my life. Like the psalmist asks, please lift up my head- that I may see You, the King of glory, more clearly and intimately than I've ever known before.
I wrote this two and a half weeks after I found out I was pregnant with Molly. I was finally coming out of my valley of the shadow of death. It was more difficult to trust God with my life and the life of my child than ever before. But this pregnancy was different. It wasn't about God giving me what I wanted. It was about God giving me more of Himself- and that was far more important.
Fast forward to now... I am stuck. Psalm 34 is baffling me. I haven't illustrated a Psalm in 2 months because I can't come up with an illustration for it. However, I've been very content reliving old lessons, splashing my journal with color, and cataloging my journey. In the valleys it is easy to feel God comforting, but it is very difficult to see God moving. Looking back, being removed from grief a bit, I can see how God was moving and orchestrating so much that only now I'm able to appreciate.
When I opened my journal this morning to find this illustration, a song came to mind. Here is my three year old nephew singing it to a very colicky 6 week old Molly. I'm sad the first line is cut off, but you'll get the idea... and apologies for the text being messed up when I embedded the video.
Open the gates and seize the day.
Don't be afraid and don't delay.
Nothing can brake us
No one can make us
Give our rights away
Arise and Seize the Day!
(My sister and brother-in-law are indoctrinating their son with all things Disney. This is from the movie, Newsies.)
I woke up today with quite the opposite outlook on life. I was dreading the day. Brenda was coming over. And to make matters worse, the house was a wreck. Dirty dishes in the sink, baskets of laundry that still needed folding, toys that have run amuck and were somehow in the kitchen, strewn strollers in the dinning room, carpets that needed vacuuming, and children that needed -as always- to be bathed, changed, fed, and entertained. I have come to the conclusion that I don't really care what people think of my house anymore, but I really really don't want Brenda thinking that Josiah is living in a hovel. I wish I was a better housekeeper. Right now I'm concentrating on being a good mom, and that's about all I have time/energy for. Don't judge, please.
And today, I was just not in the mood for sharing my children with people. Some days, I'm really okay with it- despite the constant whining on my blog. I just wasn't in the mood to flick on the "Oh I'm so happy you're here to disrupt nap time, make my son cry, and hear about how you're so close to getting certified" switch. I was overwhelmed. Clutter in every corner has a way of doing that. All I wanted to do was
1- enjoy my children, (but I couldn't because I had to clean)
2- not share them with any family but my own, (but Brenda was coming)
3- clean my house, (but I can't do much at once because of two screaming children. Some people can work while their children are crying, but I can't. It stresses me out. Why not do it at the end of the day when they are in bed, you ask? Because I'm plumb-tuckered by that point, that's why.)
4- and enjoy the 78 degree weather. (but we couldn't because Brenda would be here the only time Josiah and Molly are awake at the same time and she would want to stay inside.)
So here I was, thinking of this Psalm, with a Disney musical soundtrack flooding my brain as I'm changing a diaper ...and I thought about something that my mom taught my sisters and me:
"When you can't change the situation... you have to change your
attitude."
Lift up your heads, O you gates; be lifted up you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in.
Open the gates and seize the day.
This was my thought: I'm only getting one chance to live this day. If I'm going to live it and enjoy it, I have to change my attitude, because I certainly can't change my situation. I prayed that God would change my outlook on the day. I gave my anxiety to Him, and prayed that I would enjoy all the little blessings that I would otherwise miss if I was too busy stomping around and slamming cabinet doors all morning.
So my day started out like any other, but today I was deliberate about drinking in all the little details that I am quick to overlook - I gave Molly a bath, nursed her, dressed her and then fed Josiah his sippy cup of milk, changed him, gave him the important job of holding the socks while they both sat on my lap and we slid down the stairs together making a big "boom" sound with each step we hit. I love hearing them belly laugh at the same time. We read some books, watched Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, danced the hotdog dance, and I put the kiddos in their seats for breakfast. I gave them each a fist full of Cheerios while I got the rest of their breakfast ready. I replied to Brenda's text confirming her visit at two o'clock. I ended it with a smiley face trying to convince myself that yes, I was going to be happy about it. (I actually was kind of was feeling okay about it.)
Just as we were cleaning up from breakfast, a DYFS van pulled into my driveway. The worker at the door confirmed my fear that Josiah had visitation today at the office. Wonderful. It would have been nice if someone told me. The house was still a mess. Josiah's bag wasn't packed and his pants didn't match his shirt. I kicked into my "I'm going to be flexible and happy about it" gear. The woman was so sweet and understanding and patient while I threw some crackers and applesauce in his bag and put his shoes on and kissed his tear-streaked face.
After he left, I put Molly down for a nap and I cleaned the whole house in a half an hour. Its amazing how I can be overwhelmed for days with a mess that takes 30 minutes to clean up. But.... I don't have 30 minutes to clean during the day usually. They never nap at the same time- so I really never have time to just clean. It felt awesome and cathartic. I also called Brenda to cancel her visit because Josiah would now be missing his morning nap.
An hour later, I got a call from my caseworker to tell me that Josiah's parents had just called to let her know that they wanted to cancel the visit today. The poor worker had to drive all the way back to deliver Josiah back home. I fed the babies lunch, and tried putting them both down for a nap at the same time to no avail. So... I opted to take them for a walk in the sunshine. And as I walked I thought about how this day started and how it ended. I....
1- enjoyed my children
2- didn't have to share Josiah with Brenda or his crazy parents
3- got my house clean and
4- got to enjoy this 78 degree glorious blue-skied day.
Funny. I wonder if I never changed my attitude if God wouldn't have changed my situation. I seized the day. I opened the gates. I saw the how amazing the King of glory can direct my life when I surrender my day to Him.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Chapter 27: Surrounded by Stones
I talked with my friend Jen on the phone Thursday. That girl has some lessons to share. I hope you are reading her blog, despite the fact that doing so requires a box of Kleenex. I always walk away from our conversations with overwhelming emotions- joy, sadness, hope, peace, pride, thankfulness, and anticipation for the next time we will get to spend together. She is iron that sharpens me, and the last time we talked she left a lasting impression on me with six simple words. I hope, Jen, that you don't mind me sharing. If you do...I'll take this next part out.
This is what she shared with me:
"I know that God loves me."
She told me that before Lydia was born, God brought her through a two and a half year valley and when she walked through it, this is the lesson that she emerged with. So when Lydia came, she didn't have to question this simple fact. The lesson was learned. She could stand on that promise despite anything that she faced.
This was a novel concept for me, even though it shouldn't be: There are Christians that learn lessons and then APPLY them to difficult situations that they are faced with. They don't need to relearn them. Jen is one of those people, and on Thursday, I decided that I wanted to be one of those people too.
Today was a difficult day. Today was another day in court. Its a day that starts out with a dry lump in the back of my throat that grows until its a pit in my stomach, sweaty palms rubbed on pant legs, chewed fingernails, and feet that fall asleep. Its a day of awkward conversations with Josiah's family members, thankful prayers for a husband who can parallel park, a few rounds of spelling games when I run out of things to talk about with Justin, and trying to read a book and reading the same line over and over again and still not being able to tell you what it says. I am a wreck. I was trying to think of Bible verses to comfort and calm me down, and instead a story came to mind.
I thought about the Israelites when they crossed the Jordan river. I love the part when they gather stones to make a memorial of that miraculous day, and when it was finished they say that it would stand forever as a testimony to generations to come that God was faithful to them.
Joshua 4:1-6 (NKJV) And it came to pass, when all the people had completely crossed over the Jordan, that the Lord spoke to Joshua, saying: “Take for yourselves twelve men from the people, one man from every tribe, and command them, saying, ‘Take for yourselves twelve stones from here, out of the midst of the Jordan, from the place where the priests’ feet stood firm. You shall carry them over with you and leave them in the lodging place where you lodge tonight.’ ” Then Joshua called the twelve men whom he had appointed from the children of Israel, one man from every tribe; and Joshua said to them: “Cross over before the ark of the Lord your God into the midst of the Jordan, and each one of you take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the children of Israel, that this may be a sign among you when your children ask in time to come, saying, ‘What do these stones mean to you?’…21″When your children ask their fathers in time to come, saying, ‘What are these stones?’ 22 then you shall let your children know, saying, ‘Israel crossed over this Jordan on dry land’; 23 for the Lord your God dried up the waters of the Jordan before you until you had crossed over, as the Lord your God did to the Red Sea, which He dried up before us until we had crossed over, 24 that all the peoples of the earth may know the hand of the Lord, that it is mighty, that you may fear the Lord your God forever.”
That's what I feel like this blog has become to me. Every post is another stone to add to the pile as a testimony to God's faithfulness. So when difficult days like today come, I can look back and see how God has been faithful in my past. Its a declaration of the verse, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9. It doesn't matter what case workers, lawyers, judges, law guardians, foster parents, grandparents, or great-aunts say. God's will is going to be done. In His time. In His way. For His purpose. I don't want to learn old lessons anymore. When I post about the lessons that God has taught me in the past through the Psalms, I want to feel like I've grown since then. I want to ADD to the pile- not kick stones down in fits of rage when I forget why I put them there in the first place.
I have seen God move again and again in Josiah's life. That kid has a whole stack of stones piled up in his life that declare God's faithfulness. It was a good reminder to think about that as I waited for our docket to be called.
In the end, one of the lawyers didn't show up, so they had to postpone the court date until June 21st. Outwardly, it was a colossal waste of time. But inwardly, this was the lesson I emerged with, so I think it was worth making the trek to Atlantic City Family Court.
We did find out that we will have a bonding evaluation with him on August 4th. I love when I hear about dates that aren't "soonish." That means Josiah will still be with us when that date rolls around. The bonding evaluation will determine if Josiah is too bonded with us for the courts to remove him from our home. That's a direction that you can be praying if you would like- that Josiah will be so comfortable with us and it will be extremely obvious to the psychologists who will be doing the evaluation. Thank you, thank you, thank you, to all that have prayed so far. It means more to us than you'll ever know. We see God moving and working and slowing things down in a miraculous way so that Josiah will be able to stay with us longer. We know that this is all an answer to our prayers!
This is what she shared with me:
"I know that God loves me."
She told me that before Lydia was born, God brought her through a two and a half year valley and when she walked through it, this is the lesson that she emerged with. So when Lydia came, she didn't have to question this simple fact. The lesson was learned. She could stand on that promise despite anything that she faced.
This was a novel concept for me, even though it shouldn't be: There are Christians that learn lessons and then APPLY them to difficult situations that they are faced with. They don't need to relearn them. Jen is one of those people, and on Thursday, I decided that I wanted to be one of those people too.
Today was a difficult day. Today was another day in court. Its a day that starts out with a dry lump in the back of my throat that grows until its a pit in my stomach, sweaty palms rubbed on pant legs, chewed fingernails, and feet that fall asleep. Its a day of awkward conversations with Josiah's family members, thankful prayers for a husband who can parallel park, a few rounds of spelling games when I run out of things to talk about with Justin, and trying to read a book and reading the same line over and over again and still not being able to tell you what it says. I am a wreck. I was trying to think of Bible verses to comfort and calm me down, and instead a story came to mind.
I thought about the Israelites when they crossed the Jordan river. I love the part when they gather stones to make a memorial of that miraculous day, and when it was finished they say that it would stand forever as a testimony to generations to come that God was faithful to them.
Joshua 4:1-6 (NKJV) And it came to pass, when all the people had completely crossed over the Jordan, that the Lord spoke to Joshua, saying: “Take for yourselves twelve men from the people, one man from every tribe, and command them, saying, ‘Take for yourselves twelve stones from here, out of the midst of the Jordan, from the place where the priests’ feet stood firm. You shall carry them over with you and leave them in the lodging place where you lodge tonight.’ ” Then Joshua called the twelve men whom he had appointed from the children of Israel, one man from every tribe; and Joshua said to them: “Cross over before the ark of the Lord your God into the midst of the Jordan, and each one of you take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the children of Israel, that this may be a sign among you when your children ask in time to come, saying, ‘What do these stones mean to you?’…21″When your children ask their fathers in time to come, saying, ‘What are these stones?’ 22 then you shall let your children know, saying, ‘Israel crossed over this Jordan on dry land’; 23 for the Lord your God dried up the waters of the Jordan before you until you had crossed over, as the Lord your God did to the Red Sea, which He dried up before us until we had crossed over, 24 that all the peoples of the earth may know the hand of the Lord, that it is mighty, that you may fear the Lord your God forever.”
That's what I feel like this blog has become to me. Every post is another stone to add to the pile as a testimony to God's faithfulness. So when difficult days like today come, I can look back and see how God has been faithful in my past. Its a declaration of the verse, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9. It doesn't matter what case workers, lawyers, judges, law guardians, foster parents, grandparents, or great-aunts say. God's will is going to be done. In His time. In His way. For His purpose. I don't want to learn old lessons anymore. When I post about the lessons that God has taught me in the past through the Psalms, I want to feel like I've grown since then. I want to ADD to the pile- not kick stones down in fits of rage when I forget why I put them there in the first place.
I have seen God move again and again in Josiah's life. That kid has a whole stack of stones piled up in his life that declare God's faithfulness. It was a good reminder to think about that as I waited for our docket to be called.
In the end, one of the lawyers didn't show up, so they had to postpone the court date until June 21st. Outwardly, it was a colossal waste of time. But inwardly, this was the lesson I emerged with, so I think it was worth making the trek to Atlantic City Family Court.
We did find out that we will have a bonding evaluation with him on August 4th. I love when I hear about dates that aren't "soonish." That means Josiah will still be with us when that date rolls around. The bonding evaluation will determine if Josiah is too bonded with us for the courts to remove him from our home. That's a direction that you can be praying if you would like- that Josiah will be so comfortable with us and it will be extremely obvious to the psychologists who will be doing the evaluation. Thank you, thank you, thank you, to all that have prayed so far. It means more to us than you'll ever know. We see God moving and working and slowing things down in a miraculous way so that Josiah will be able to stay with us longer. We know that this is all an answer to our prayers!
Today was a stone-stacking kind of day. I am thankful.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Upcoming Court
For those of you who follow Josiah's story, I would ask that you join your hearts in prayer for our next upcoming court date- Monday, May 17th.
I'm not really sure what is going to be happening, but I know Brenda is getting closer to finishing what she needs to do to be certified to adopt Josiah.
I would ask you to please pray that the judge will ask for a bonding evaluation and that it would show that he is too bonded to us at this point to be removed from our home.
Josiah is spending this Saturday with his grandparents and brother today, and right now Molly is napping. The house seems strangely quiet. I don't like it. I didn't like feeding just one baby at lunch, and as much as I complain about them never napping at the same time, I am missing the business of always caring for one of them. It's a small reminder of how it may be in a few months if God doesn't choose to intervene here. I know it's only a day. We're going at 7:00 to pick him up. Even so, I miss him.
Thank you so much for all of your prayers for our little boy. I know God hears them, and I praise Him in anticipation knowing that His will is going to be done, even if my definition of "good" and His definition of "good" is different.
I'm not really sure what is going to be happening, but I know Brenda is getting closer to finishing what she needs to do to be certified to adopt Josiah.
I would ask you to please pray that the judge will ask for a bonding evaluation and that it would show that he is too bonded to us at this point to be removed from our home.
Josiah is spending this Saturday with his grandparents and brother today, and right now Molly is napping. The house seems strangely quiet. I don't like it. I didn't like feeding just one baby at lunch, and as much as I complain about them never napping at the same time, I am missing the business of always caring for one of them. It's a small reminder of how it may be in a few months if God doesn't choose to intervene here. I know it's only a day. We're going at 7:00 to pick him up. Even so, I miss him.
Thank you so much for all of your prayers for our little boy. I know God hears them, and I praise Him in anticipation knowing that His will is going to be done, even if my definition of "good" and His definition of "good" is different.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Psalm Twenty-Three: Your Staff Comforts Me
"The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside still waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of shadow of death I will fear no evil, for you are with me.
Your rod and your staff they comfort me." v. 1-4
I learned this Psalm when I was in my pre-school Sunday school class. In unison, my class and I would chant this and the Lord's prayer every Sunday. I had no idea what it meant, but I could repeat all of the words back to you if you asked- King James Version. (My Sunday School teacher, Aunt Sis, as everyone called her, was THE matriarch of our church. You did what she told you to do. She was hard-core and awesome.) So because I can quote it from rote memory, its not a Psalm I read often, or even think about much because it seems like such a "cliche" Bible verse. The psalm is so familiar even you, dear reader, probably skipped over reading it because you already know it so well.
But this time when I read it, I really took my time to digest and ponder all that it means. It is so rich in symbolism and imagery that it is not difficult to illustrate. I always have loved Biblical imagery about shepherds and sheep because I grew up on a 30 acre sheep farm. (Yes, I was a 4-H nerd.) I feel like I can vividly imagine what a shepherd looks like as he gazes over his flock. I can smell the smells of sheep- wet wool and dewy grass, and straw, and yes, all the smells that come from sheep. I know how stupid sheep are and how dependent they are on their owner. They are defenseless- they don't even have top teeth to bite their enemies. All they can do is eat, walk, and produce wooly fleeces.
I love the idea that God is my shepherd. I love that He calls me a sheep. It puts our relationship in perspective. I can see how much he loves me. I can see how much I should depend on him.
I was a sponge when I read Psalm 23 this time. I know I may be reading into these too much, but this is what I felt God was telling me through these verses.
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
As in, "I'm in control of you. When you accept all that I have and all that I AM, you're not going to feel like you need anything else but me."
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
"Here you go, here are all the rich blessings I want you to enjoy. I'll take you exactly to the places where I know you can grow the most. We're going to sit down in this place and just rest here together for a while."
He leads me beside still waters.
"Stay right behind me, I know where I'm going. I know this place where we can go together and you'll feel refreshed."
He restores my soul.
"Remember how you felt before you were so weary? You're going to feel that way again, because it's going to be ME that does the healing, not you."
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
"Follow me, and I'm going to show you the path that others before you have taken to heal. The others that took this path remained righteous and upright because they trusted me. They did this not for themselves, but because they wanted to honor me through their journey."
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me.
"It didn't catch me by surprise that we're in this place together. You were following me. I know it is scary. I know you can't imagine what we are doing here. I know that shadows are cold and you miss the pastures and water. But look what we are doing. We aren't lying down and resting here. We're not stopping to drink. We are WALKING. We are moving. Don't fear the shadows. I placed them there so you'd stay close to me while we walk here together."
Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
"And if you don't believe me, look what I have in my hand. See? It's my staff. I know there are going to be times when you're not going to want to listen to my voice. I know there will be times when you question why we're here. That's when I'll gently prod you and remind you that we have better places to go together. This rod and staff are proof of that. I wouldn't need it if this was the place I intended on staying forever with you."
I wrote this in my Psalms Illustrated journal the night I found out that I was pregnant with Molly. I felt familiar emotions- joy mixed with anticipation and worry and fear. I felt the cold shadows of the valley of death creeping up behind me again. I didn't want to hope again and be disappointed. I trusted God with other pregnancies, and what good did it do? It seemed pointless to imagine that this pregnancy could produce a different outcome than those that preceded it. I think it's funny how God puts images in your mind and uses them to prod you where you need to go. For me, it was the staff- a curly swirl that I kept seeing over and over- in the wrought iron of my clock, in the branches of a tree, in the cream of my tea when I stirred it into my cup. Was it God telling me we had better places to go this time? I don't know. I should have believed Him. What did I do instead? I stopped reading my Bible for two weeks.
I am such a sheep.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Psalm Twenty-Two: Cry of Anguish, Song of Praise
"My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?
Far from my deliverance are the words of my groaning. O my God, I cry by day but Thou dost not answer; and by night but I have no rest.
Yet Thou art holy, O Thou who art enthroned upon the praises of Israel.
In thee our fathers trusted, they trusted and thou didst deliver them. To thee they cried out, and were delivered, In Thee they trusted and were not disappointed." v. 1-5
God, sometimes when I see how you have blessed others, I am so downhearted. But perhaps you prove your faithfulness to others not just because You are good to those that love You. I pray that the blessings that others are given would deepen my trust that you are a God who delivers. I pray that when my story is over, it will show, like the story of the Israelites, that those who put their trust in You will not be disappointed.
Far from my deliverance are the words of my groaning. O my God, I cry by day but Thou dost not answer; and by night but I have no rest.
Yet Thou art holy, O Thou who art enthroned upon the praises of Israel.
In thee our fathers trusted, they trusted and thou didst deliver them. To thee they cried out, and were delivered, In Thee they trusted and were not disappointed." v. 1-5
God, sometimes when I see how you have blessed others, I am so downhearted. But perhaps you prove your faithfulness to others not just because You are good to those that love You. I pray that the blessings that others are given would deepen my trust that you are a God who delivers. I pray that when my story is over, it will show, like the story of the Israelites, that those who put their trust in You will not be disappointed.
In this illustration, I drew three vines, each receiving needed refreshment from the waterfall above. Each are at different stages of growth, yet each was getting enough water to thrive. The largest of vines, which had climbed the longest, seen the most seasons, and weathered the most storms, had produced the most fruit. It clung to the rock, not only to fulfill its purpose of productivity, but also to stand as a testament to the other younger vines beside it.
Here are my two sisters and me. Amy is on the left and Robin is in the center.
We are all two years apart from each other. I am the middle sister- in every sense of the word. If you are a middle sibling, you'll understand. I was what my mom called, "the score keeper." My sole purpose on this earth, I believed, was to make sure everything was "fair." Equal amounts of juice in our cups, equal amounts of money being spent on birthdays and Christmases, equal amounts of allotted spoonfuls of cookie dough. Yes, ridiculous. But nonetheless, a very vital role, I thought.
At this point in my journey, Amy had become a mom to her 2 1/2 year old foster son, Jesse. My friend Jen had just called me to tell me she was pregnant. Friends at church were either pregnant or had just had babies. It seemed that God was blessing everyone with children except for me.
God and I had many conversations starting with, "God...this isn't fair." I'm sure He really appreciated me telling Him how He could make things "even" if He were to only make me a mom. Right?
Reading this Psalm was a real aha! moment for me.
"Far from my deliverance are the words of my groaning. O my God, I cry by day but Thou dost not answer; and by night but I have no rest.
Yet Thou art holy, O Thou who art enthroned upon the praises of Israel."
It felt like there was still such a great distance between me calling out to God and deliverance from pain. But the Psalmist resolves his struggle, not with God rescuing him from trouble, but through praising Him. He tells God that He is holy and that He's still on the throne.
In thee our fathers trusted, they trusted and thou didst deliver them. To thee they cried out, and were delivered, In Thee they trusted and were not disappointed.
The Psalmist reassures himself that God has been faithful to those in the past, and he could therefore trust God with his future.
I felt like I could now shift my thinking from "God, why do you choose to bless other women and not me?" to "God, You've proven yourself faithful to them, I can trust You and not be disappointed -not because my circumstances might change, but because You never do."
Friday, May 7, 2010
Chapter 26: High Notes
I had time for 2 entries this morning. Both kids are napping at the same time. *MIRACLE*
I feel like if this blog had a theme song, it would be played way below middle C. I guess that's just the way I originally set it up- a place to record my "deeper thoughts" and feelings and things God was teaching me about Himself and His Word and His people He places in my life.
My life isn't always sunshine and rainbows, but some days are. Some days are filled with so much joy that I feel like its spilling over.
Here's a few examples of some of these moments.
*Disclaimer* Before you watch the following, please ignore the very high-pitched voice. Sometimes I feel like I've talked all day in it, and it's going to get stuck that way.
Josiah walks
Molly claps
Josiah sings Muppets
I really really love my life.
Psalm Twenty-One: Answered Prayer Plus
"O LORD, the king rejoices in your strength. How great is his joy in the victories you give! You have granted him the desire of his heart and have not withheld the request of his lips. You welcomed him with rich blessings and placed a crown of pure gold on his head.
He asked you for life, and you gave it to him- length of days, for ever and ever.
Through the victories you gave, his glory is great; you have bestowed him splendor and majesty. Surely you have granted him eternal blessings and made him glad with the joy of your presence.
For the king trusts in the LORD; through the unfailing love of the most high he will not be shaken." v. 1-7
I've been going to a women's Bible Study on Tuesday mornings. It is 2 hours of awesomeness- so many nuggets of wisdom and encouragement that I barely have enough time to scribble them all down. What was the theme this week? Gratitude. Of course. Gena, our Bible Study leader was talking about "dancing on the Egyptian side of the Red Sea." When God promised to deliver the Israelites from the hands of the Egyptians, they did not believe Him until they had crossed the Red Sea. So they waited until it happened before they started to celebrate the goodness of God. What blessings had they missed out on by not believing God before this miracle happened, and even after it happened? What did their faithlessness produce? A whole generation that missed out on seeing the Promised Land. An ingratitude for what God had done spread like cancer amongst the Israelites. So they wandered for forty years. I really hope it doesn't take me that long before I learn to appreciate what God has given me- all the things that I can see now and all that I won't see until I'm in Heaven.
He asked you for life, and you gave it to him- length of days, for ever and ever.
Through the victories you gave, his glory is great; you have bestowed him splendor and majesty. Surely you have granted him eternal blessings and made him glad with the joy of your presence.
For the king trusts in the LORD; through the unfailing love of the most high he will not be shaken." v. 1-7
God, when David asked for victory and you spared his life, I wonder if he knew that by doing so, he would eventually be in the lineage of the Messiah? How small is the scope of our requests and understanding, yet you grant them and bestow so much more than we could ever think to ask for. Through David's victory, you gave him
his own life,
glory for himself,
eternal blessings from heaven,
joy in Your presence,
and most importantly- added to his faith and ensured him that You are a God who loves him.
God, may I trust in Your unfailing love in the same way that David did even before my requests are answered.
In this illustration, I drew three little eggs that had hatched. A few weeks earlier, I drew a bird sitting on three eggs to represent the three babies I had lost.
They were waiting, sitting under the protection of their Father in Heaven. But after I read this Psalm, God changed the way that I viewed these children. They weren't stagnant anymore and their purpose wasn't unfulfilled. They were now all that God created them to be. Whole and perfect and victorious. I drew the nest like a crown- "death swallowed up in victory." I knew that, if God never made me a mother and granted my requests like I thought He would or should, God was filling me with the joy of His presence and given me eternal blessings, and why should that not be enough? (ETERNAL. I can not fathom the word. Blessings for EVVVVVVERRRRRRRRRR.) Why am I such a complainer?
This seems like a theme that has been resurfacing in my life over and over now. I don't know if its discouraging to revisit old lessons and realize that what I thought I learned I do not continue to put into practice like I should, or encouraging to see these lessons again and know that God refuses to leave me unchanged.
I've been going to a women's Bible Study on Tuesday mornings. It is 2 hours of awesomeness- so many nuggets of wisdom and encouragement that I barely have enough time to scribble them all down. What was the theme this week? Gratitude. Of course. Gena, our Bible Study leader was talking about "dancing on the Egyptian side of the Red Sea." When God promised to deliver the Israelites from the hands of the Egyptians, they did not believe Him until they had crossed the Red Sea. So they waited until it happened before they started to celebrate the goodness of God. What blessings had they missed out on by not believing God before this miracle happened, and even after it happened? What did their faithlessness produce? A whole generation that missed out on seeing the Promised Land. An ingratitude for what God had done spread like cancer amongst the Israelites. So they wandered for forty years. I really hope it doesn't take me that long before I learn to appreciate what God has given me- all the things that I can see now and all that I won't see until I'm in Heaven.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Lydia
I am sad for my friend.
Lydia Eileen went home to be with Jesus on Wednesday. I wanted to post sooner. I was waiting for the grieving in my heart to be over, for insight to come, for lessons to be learned and shared, an encouraging sentiment to inspire. Nothing. Nothing will come.
I am just sad for my friend.
Why is it so much easier to reconcile the goodness of God to His sovereignty when it is a trial that you are walking through yourself? Am I too busy shaking my fist and declaring, "It should have been me not her!"? Do I feel guilty for having what I do knowing that Jen deserved it more than I do? Yes, maybe that's it. I know it's not Jen who makes me feel this way. She loves Molly. She even wanted her at Lydia's reception.
I know Lydia's brokenness is now healed completely. It is not for her that I grieve. I am sad that my friend doesn't have her little girl anymore, as difficult as it was to watch her suffer. I want Jen to have what I have. I ache for it more than I wanted it for myself. If my prayers could bring that to fruition, that baby would have been here long ago.
Why is it that God plants a desire in our heart and watches us suffer before He fulfills it? Is it so we will give Him the glory for it when it finally does come? It is that a lesson needs to be learned, maybe not even by us but by others? Is it because God is trying to conform us more to the image of His Son? All of these I know are true.
Yet, I ache for the wholeness of Heaven and Home to be felt by all that knew Lydia, but especially for Jen and Micah. Please, please continue to lift them up in your prayers.
Lydia Eileen went home to be with Jesus on Wednesday. I wanted to post sooner. I was waiting for the grieving in my heart to be over, for insight to come, for lessons to be learned and shared, an encouraging sentiment to inspire. Nothing. Nothing will come.
I am just sad for my friend.
Why is it so much easier to reconcile the goodness of God to His sovereignty when it is a trial that you are walking through yourself? Am I too busy shaking my fist and declaring, "It should have been me not her!"? Do I feel guilty for having what I do knowing that Jen deserved it more than I do? Yes, maybe that's it. I know it's not Jen who makes me feel this way. She loves Molly. She even wanted her at Lydia's reception.
I know Lydia's brokenness is now healed completely. It is not for her that I grieve. I am sad that my friend doesn't have her little girl anymore, as difficult as it was to watch her suffer. I want Jen to have what I have. I ache for it more than I wanted it for myself. If my prayers could bring that to fruition, that baby would have been here long ago.
Why is it that God plants a desire in our heart and watches us suffer before He fulfills it? Is it so we will give Him the glory for it when it finally does come? It is that a lesson needs to be learned, maybe not even by us but by others? Is it because God is trying to conform us more to the image of His Son? All of these I know are true.
Yet, I ache for the wholeness of Heaven and Home to be felt by all that knew Lydia, but especially for Jen and Micah. Please, please continue to lift them up in your prayers.
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