"The LORD confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them. My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare." v. 14-15
God,
I pray that the path and choices I will make will always be guided first by your wisdom. Help me to never lose hope. I thank you that you promise to reveal yourself to me if I am seeking you. Please keep me focused on the things I should be- and far from the thoughts that will entangle me as I walk with you.
This illustration was supposed to show a raised path with slippery slopes and snares below. One wrong step and I'd be down in the pit again. That's how I felt- I was in my second trimester with Molly, but I wouldn't let myself believe that she existed. It hurt too much to hope. But I did so desperately want to know God more, and I felt God telling me that that was what I needed to be focused on- not looking to either side and wondering if one wrong step was going to cause the demise of yet another unfulfilled dream. But as the psalmist states, his hope did not lay in circumstances, he hoped in the Lord. Good reminder.
That still is a lesson I need to apply to my life today. I can't tell you the countless hours I've spent smelling Josiah's hair with his head tucked under my chin just trying to soak in the smell. Or kissing his chubby cheeks wondering if he knows how much I love him, hoping he'll remember the sound of my voice or how safe he felt when I laid him in his favorite corner of the crib. I can sob on command when I think about a caseworker pulling away from the house with Josiah strapped to the car seat crying uncontrollably and wondering what's happening.
But none of this is about him. None of this is about me. It's not about building my family, or even being a "good person," or making sure Molly learns to be charitable. When it comes down to it- here's the bare bones:
I want to look back and know God more because of the path He took me through.
It's about God showing- and me acknowledging I see His plan.
It's about God teaching- and me actually learning and applying those lessons.
It's about God guiding- and me following Him.
It's about acknowledging God as Savior- and me putting my hope and trust in Him.
God is going to confide His plan to me if I fear Him. He's going to keep my feet walking the right path if I keep my eyes on Him. I don't need to think about the snares if I'm acknowledging, learning, applying, following, and hoping. Oh, verbs. Easy to say. Hard to do.
3 comments:
Megan...we are kindred spirits....but hardly know each other. We are walking the same path :)....i am not good at writing down my thoughts/keeping a journal eventhough i have been encouraged to do so over and over....YOU HAVE DONE IT FOR ME!!!lol
It is a daily challenge when what we know in your heart and mind does not match up with our emotions. God has grown me soo much through foster/adoptions and it all comes back to growing/depending onandin HIM.
This is so good, Megan. Thank you for your explanation of the drawing. I'd love to see this one with some more detail in it. Maybe some texture and stones on the path to show it's not always an easy path to walk, maybe some metaphorical embodiment of what the snares of despair and hopelessness look like, maybe some footprints on the path to show you're not alone, maybe some signs pointing the way--signs of love and patience and comfort and guidance. What do you think?
all good ideas. Yes, I wasn't a huge fan of this illustration. I was pregnant-tired when I did it- in my done is "good" and good is "done" phase. I'll do a little more and repost it in color :o) Thanks for the feedback.
And Allison (I think it's Allison?) , I'm so happy to know that we can walk this path together and know we're not alone. Thanks so much for the encouragement. I've never in my life done a journal- this is the first, and I am so glad I have! It's funny how much this journey is not just about looking forward and knowing you're doing God's will- It's about looking back and seeing He's faithful, and looking sideways and knowing you're not alone on the journey. Thanks for the reminder that you're right there too! :o)
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