Psalm Twenty-Two: Cry of Anguish, Song of Praise

"My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?


Far from my deliverance are the words of my groaning.  O my God, I cry by day but Thou dost not answer; and by night but I have no rest. 


Yet Thou art holy, O Thou who art enthroned upon the praises of Israel.  


In thee our fathers trusted, they trusted and thou didst deliver them.  To thee they cried out, and were delivered, In Thee they trusted and were not disappointed."  v. 1-5 


God, sometimes when I see how you have blessed others, I am so downhearted.  But perhaps you prove your faithfulness to others not just because You are good to those that love You.  I pray that the blessings that others are given would deepen my trust that you are a God who delivers.  I pray that when my story is over, it will show, like the story of the Israelites, that those who put their trust in You will not be disappointed.

   In this illustration, I drew three vines, each receiving needed refreshment from the waterfall above.  Each are at different stages of growth, yet each was getting enough water to thrive.  The largest of vines, which had climbed the longest, seen the most seasons, and weathered the most storms, had produced the most fruit.  It clung to the rock, not only to fulfill its purpose of productivity, but also to stand as a testament to the other younger vines beside it.  

Here are my two sisters and me.  Amy is on the left and Robin is in the center.  

  

We are all two years apart from each other.  I am the middle sister- in every sense of the word.  If you are a middle sibling, you'll understand.  I was what my mom called, "the score keeper."  My sole purpose on this earth, I believed, was to make sure everything was "fair."  Equal amounts of juice in our cups, equal amounts of money being spent on birthdays and Christmases, equal amounts of allotted spoonfuls of cookie dough.  Yes, ridiculous.  But nonetheless, a very vital role, I thought.         

At this point in my journey, Amy had become a mom to her 2 1/2 year old foster son, Jesse.  My friend Jen had just called me to tell me she was pregnant.  Friends at church were either pregnant or had just had babies.  It seemed that God was blessing everyone with children except for me.       

God and I had many conversations starting with, "God...this isn't fair." I'm sure He really appreciated me telling Him how He could make things "even" if He were to only make me a mom.  Right?

 Reading this Psalm was a real aha! moment for me.  

"Far from my deliverance are the words of my groaning.  O my God, I cry by day but Thou dost not answer; and by night but I have no rest. 

Yet Thou art holy, O Thou who art enthroned upon the praises of Israel."  

It felt like there was still such a great distance between me calling out to God and deliverance from pain.  But the Psalmist resolves his struggle, not with God rescuing him from trouble, but through praising Him.  He tells God that He is holy and that He's still on the throne.   

In thee our fathers trusted, they trusted and thou didst deliver them.  To thee they cried out, and were delivered, In Thee they trusted and were not disappointed.

The Psalmist reassures himself that God has been faithful to those in the past, and he could therefore trust God with his future.  

I felt like I could now shift my thinking from "God, why do you choose to bless other women and not me?" to "God, You've proven yourself faithful to them, I can trust You and not be disappointed -not because my circumstances might change, but because You never do."