Lydia Eileen went home to be with Jesus on Wednesday. I wanted to post sooner. I was waiting for the grieving in my heart to be over, for insight to come, for lessons to be learned and shared, an encouraging sentiment to inspire. Nothing. Nothing will come.
I am just sad for my friend.
Why is it so much easier to reconcile the goodness of God to His sovereignty when it is a trial that you are walking through yourself? Am I too busy shaking my fist and declaring, "It should have been me not her!"? Do I feel guilty for having what I do knowing that Jen deserved it more than I do? Yes, maybe that's it. I know it's not Jen who makes me feel this way. She loves Molly. She even wanted her at Lydia's reception.
I know Lydia's brokenness is now healed completely. It is not for her that I grieve. I am sad that my friend doesn't have her little girl anymore, as difficult as it was to watch her suffer. I want Jen to have what I have. I ache for it more than I wanted it for myself. If my prayers could bring that to fruition, that baby would have been here long ago.
Why is it that God plants a desire in our heart and watches us suffer before He fulfills it? Is it so we will give Him the glory for it when it finally does come? It is that a lesson needs to be learned, maybe not even by us but by others? Is it because God is trying to conform us more to the image of His Son? All of these I know are true.
Yet, I ache for the wholeness of Heaven and Home to be felt by all that knew Lydia, but especially for Jen and Micah. Please, please continue to lift them up in your prayers.
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