To say that Josiah was a good baby would be an understatement. You know how the Bible says that we are entertaining angels without knowing it? I'm fully convinced that he is one.
The more foster parents we talked to, the more we realized what an unusual situation this was. People were on the waiting list for years to get a new born baby, let alone a healthy full-term baby that wasn't addicted to drugs or had fetal-alcohol syndrome. We were the first foster home DYFS had called for this case. And we said yes. I felt so blessed.
My school gave me three weeks off to stay home and bond with my little boy. It didn't take long. After that, they let me come in for three full days and 2 half days a week. On the half days, I would bring him into school and Josiah would sleep in his stroller while I taught my art classes. He never cried, not even when he was hungry. He would scrunch his face and fuss a little, but I would just scoop him up, hold him close, and he would stop. All of my students absolutely loved him. I'm so glad they could see how good God was to us after they knew everything we had went through to start a family. I hope that some of them will want to become foster parents because of Josiah. Who knows?
Every week I would have to send Josiah to go to visitation with his parents. It killed me. I would cry the entire morning until his transportation would come. I always felt God's presence with me when they would pull into the driveway though. I would let his driver into our home and hand them my little boy and a bag packed full of diapers, a bottle, a book and some toys. I don't know if his parents ever read to him or played with him at the visits, but I always imagined they did, and it made me feel better. He would arrive home a few hours later and it was always my absolute favorite time of the week because I knew it would be another whole seven days until we would have to be separated again.
On my fifth month of pregnancy, we went for another ultrasound of our baby. I loved looking at people's reactions when they saw we were bringing in a 1 month old baby along with my ever-growing tummy. "God Bless you," they would say when we explained our situation. And then I would get to tell him how much He really did.
My mom and Justin and Josiah and I went to the appointment. I had never gotten this far in a pregnancy before and I was so excited to be able to find out what we would be having in four short months. I didn't have that scared feeling I usually did for ultrasound appointments. I would just look over at Josiah and feel like we had our baby. This one would be the cherry on top.
"IT'S A GIRL!" she said as she scanned the ultrasound over my abdomen.
Josiah at one month old had a sister! I couldn't believe that God had blessed us with a daughter and a son in less than one month. However, my celebration was short-lived.
The ultrasound technician continued to scan the length of the femur, and distance between the eyes, and examine her kidneys... it took almost an hour and a half to measure everything she needed. When it came to scanning the brain, the ultrasound technician took her time. "Do you see something?" I asked. "We'll just let the doctor take a look." she said without looking at me. My heart sank.
I heard that answer before. Technicians got to show you all the fun stuff...they let the doctors tell you the bad news.
We went into the "back office" which is never a fun place to go. That's where they send in the parents to get bad news. The Hobbit sat at his desk. The "Hobbit" was a short squatty fat man who had delivered the news we had lost baby #1. He called it "a tissue" at the time. I was not a fan of him.
He told us that our baby girl had something called a corioplexis cyst on her brain. It was only found in .3-.4% of all pregnancies. Lucky us. It was a marker for a fatal disease called Trisome 18. One of two things could happen- either it would go away by itself in a few weeks and be nothing, or it was fatal and our daughter wouldn't live past her first few days. Great options. Thanks.
Lots of birds flew overhead as we drove home that day. All I could think of was the cardinal and hear God's voice say, "If my eye is on the sparrow, how much more do I care for you?"
Every month we would get a visit from our case worker, Kristen, and every month we would hear how plans were moving for him to be transfered to Georgia. His great-aunt had been a foster mother before, they told us, so it shouldn't take too long for the paperwork to go through.
Each time they would leave, I would cry as I would imagine having to hand him over to the case worker and watch her drive away with that sweet baby boy. It was devastating. I would try to tell myself that I should try not to get upset for the sake of my little girl. I would convince myself that I need to enjoy every moment I had with Josiah as long as he was here. He deserved to have a mother and father who loved him like he was never leaving. Worrying, I told myself, wasn't making tomorrow any easier, it was just sucking all of the joy out of today. Josiah deserved better than that. Our little girl deserved better than that.
And God said, "Do you believe that I will work all things out for your greatest good and My greatest glory? Will you trust me with the lives of your children?"
I said, "Today I will, God. But can you ask me again tomorrow?"
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