The most difficult part about thinking about losing Josiah was not knowing if he would be going to a Christian home. Every time there would be a salvation message at church on Sunday I would cry and think, "What if he never hears this? God, how will he know You?" Above all else, I wanted to Josiah to grow up under the grace and admonition of the Lord, to make Godly choices in his life, and to reach his full potential under the influence of Godly friends and from wisdom from the Scriptures. I wanted his life to point others to Christ- to tell others that "God saves" and "God hears". I knew the kind of life God already saved him from. And the life I wanted him to be saved for was one where he lived with us and was taught who God was.
Weekly visits with his parents continued, and my pregnancy progressed. At 24 weeks along, God answered our prayers, and we found out that our baby girl's cyst went away all by itself, four weeks before doctors said that it would! Josiah continued to be a blessing as well. He was growing so quickly.
After our first miscarriage, one of the secretaries at our school gave us an adorable teddy bear. She told us that we could put it in our crib until God blessed us with our first child- then we could give it to him or her. Every month on the anniversary of Josiah's birthday, we would take a picture of him by the bear to show how much he was growing. The first picture was when he was 6 days old; after that we took it on the 19th of every month.
In June, we got another call from DYFS. Each time their number would come up on the caller ID, my heart would sink, thinking this would be the call that would tell us that Josiah would be taken away. That's not what it was. It was a call for another placement. It was for a 22 month old boy who was taken away from his mother due to abuse. The workers told us they had been calling resource homes for three hours and hadn't been able to find a placement for him.
"I'll call you right back," Justin told them. "I need to ask my wife."
With wide eyes I asked the details. It made no sense to even consider it. I was six months pregnant with a four month old baby. I was just getting used to the routine of my new life as a mother and mother-to-be. I was at high-risk for preterm labor. I shouldn't add any more stress to my life. Still, Justin and I prayed that God would reveal His will to us.
Later that night I called my mom to ask her if we could borrow her booster seat. "Why do you need it?" she asked. "Because you're getting another foster grandson." I said. We were absolutely insane, but I'd rather be thought crazy and be obedient than have an easy life and miss out on what God was going to reveal about Himself yet again.
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