Sand

It has been an emotionally draining week.  It feels as though our time with Josiah is slipping through my fingers at a tremendous speed and I can't stop it.  I want to collect the grains of sand and hoard them, scoop them up and savor each one again, but I can't.  The end is near, I can sense it.

Josiah's grandfather called again today.  Despite DYFS telling us that they were going to call him MULTIPLE times to explain the "every other weekend" deal they made with us, they have not.  It seems as though their attitude is, "What is it going to matter in a month anyway.  Why bother?"  So the grandfather called Justin today and told him that he would be coming over tomorrow morning and picking him up.  Ummmmm....no you're not.  I know that his attitude is, "He's coming 'home' to his 'family' soon.  What is another weekend away from the foster family?  It's not going to matter."

It's MY sand.  It matters.  

The grandfather told Justin, "fine.  You can keep him this weekend"  after Justin couldn't help but cry when he was on the phone and told him that we had made plans to be together as a family this weekend.  I hate to see Justin in so much pain.  I hate to see him losing his son and being absolutely powerless to stop it.  I hate what that I let it ruin my day.  I hate that when I spend time with Josiah, I'm thinking about what it is going to feel like not spending time with Josiah.

Now we have court twice this week.  Once on Monday, to discuss some visitation scheduling?  I'm not really sure if this is with grandfather, or the great aunt, or the parents (who have not showed up for visitation for the past 8 weeks.)  Then court again on Friday when the grandfather is filing the motion for custody.  There really is no good reason for them to deny him.  He is family and he has his brother already.

Still processing.  Still trying to find God's goodness and perfect plan in all of this.  Coming up empty handed...except for those few grains I still have.