Growing my Tree by Grieving

My weekly women's Bible study is studying the book of Colossians, and during the 8-week course, we have committed to memorizing one scripture verse a week.  We can choose any verse from the book of Colossians that speaks to us, and for my first verse, I challenged myself to Colossians 2:6-7.


So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, 
continue to live in him, 
rooted and built up in him, 
strengthened in the faith you were taught, 
and overflowing with thankfulness.  

I picked the verse because it reminded me of this illustration I did of the tree in Psalm 1.  And visualizing the tree as I read the words helped me to memorize the verse.

If you can follow my artsy brain, I'll try to explain.  

So then, just as you have received Christ Jesus as Lord (the seed that is in planted by the Holy Spirit) 

Continue to live in him (planted in good soil and by streams of living water) 

Rooted (the roots- Grounded in Scripture) 

and built up in him (the trunk- being intentional about seasons of growth from Scripture and Godly influences)

Strengthened in the faith you were taught (the branches- the lessons that God has taught me about Himself that are used to uphold the blessings which He gives)  

And overflowing with thankfulness (this is the leaves and fruit- the result of everything listed above.) 

This verse caused me to start thinking. How can I turn this season of grief into a season of growth and end with where I want to be: overflowing with thankfulness?  Thankful for Josiah, for Molly, for babies in heaven, for babies to come.  I crave the fruit.        

Because what happens when the branches that are supposed to strengthen my faith are weakened with bitterness and anger towards God?  This:  

God does the pruning.  And let me tell you, that's no fun at all.  

I feel like I am doing okay at trying to stay in God's Word (thank you, women's Bible study book which has the longest chapters ever and won't allow me to procrastinate so I have to get into the book of Colossians everyday), going to church (even though it's painful) and surrounding myself with godly people (again, thank you women's Bible study and awesome Christian friends.)  But how can I be strengthened in the faith I was taught?  When I was praying, the answer seemed simple.  Being Josiah's mother was one lesson in faith after another.  I have never seen God's hand so intentionally guiding and directing a life more than the life of this little boy.  I need to go back.  To re-read.  To recount.  To remember.    

It is going to be painful- looking at pictures and reading my own words that declared God was good when I thought the outcome of this story would be so drastically different.  But I am quite certain that seeing how God has been faithful in Josiah's life, and in mine, is what is going to strengthen me and eventually lead me to where I want to be:  thankful.  

Me and Jesus....we're about to go on another walk together.  I'm excited to tell you what we find along our journey.  I hope and pray it can strengthen your faith as well.