There is an exhaustion and confusion that comes from having three children and trying to celebrate and enjoy each one separately. I live in the past with Josiah, remembering his sweet face and mannerisms and how much I loved him and love him still. I live in the present with Molly, watching her learn new words and explore new things and grow into the amazing little lady she is! And I live in the future with my baby-in-waiting, hoping, dreaming, wishing and wondering what this little one will be like (who we find out if it will be a boy or girl in 10 days!) I am trying my best to be deliberate with enjoying, grieving, and hoping for each one. That's where God's grace has been so amazing and so evident these past few weeks.
It reminds me of my Colossians memory verse this week!
Col 1:17 "He is before all things, and in him all things hold together."
As much as I long to move forward, move forward, move forward, God is so faithful in making sure I learn the lessons He wants me to from my past. Exhibit A: yesterday's post. For so long I have been wishing to be the mom He has called me to be, that I have ignored His grace in the midst of grieving, relying on my own strength and wisdom to live each day. Can you tell from the things that are just now bubbling up that this hasn't worked out for me so well?
I am excited to keep writing my "Journey Beside my Jordan" series. God is teaching me some amazing things about Himself and how He is faithful. I wish God would give me the story all at once, but again, He is more patient with me than I am with Him, and I am thankful that He is making me slow down my thoughts and feelings about the things He has done in my life. Incase you have just joined me on my journey, let me be clear on what my stories about God are. This is how I pray. I go on walks with God and I ask Him to teach me about Himself along the way. I hear Him speak truths to my heart, and these stories are a result of that. I wrote a little more about this process in another post, and you can read about it here. I encourage you, if you have never prayed like this before to give it a try. It has definitely deepened my relationship with Christ and made my prayer time more meaningful.
But in the midst of being deliberate about learning new lessons from old trials, I can not forsake the gift of being a mother now! My little lady and I have had made some very fun memories together lately. It has been amazing watching her blossom just these past few weeks. She is talking up a storm! (I guess Josiah never let her get a word in edgewise and now she's making up for it.) I am amazed at all the words she knows and understands. I am glad she has the opportunity to be an only child for a few more months. We are enjoying our time together as a family of three.
For instance, here are a few pictures of us taking a walk down the road to visit some of Gramby and Pop-Pop's lambs.
And this weekend, Justin and I took some of our basketball girls up to visit Justin's former college (Baptist Bible College) in Clarks Summit, PA. We were never able to go out of state overnight with Josiah without a huge battle to get permission, so we took this opportunity to see a basketball game this weekend. It was difficult with a year and half year old, but very, very fun.
Every memory we make without Josiah is difficult and wonderful, and I am thankful it is both.
It is our first holiday without Josiah, and it is hard, but I want to take the time to honor and celebrate all three of my babies today- past, present, and future.
Happy Valentine's Day, sweet Josiah. I hope you know how loved you are today by all the people that God has put in your life.
Happy Valentine's Day, my sweet baby girl. I love you so much for who you are and who you are becoming!
And Happy Valentine's Day, baby-in-waiting. You are so wanted, so celebrated, so loved.
As I attempt to live my life in the past, present and future, I am thankful for the blessings God allows me to enjoy along the way.
2 comments:
awww....This is the road to peace, isn't it, Megan? Blessings, blessings, blessings....even bumps in the road are blessings. thanks for sharing your journey; it touches me. Love to you all.
Great pictures, Megs! I can't wait to hear how much Molly is talking and see your growing belly. It's going to be a really quick trip, but we'll be there in 6 days! Woohoo!
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