Paris: Part 1

I was blessed to be able to attend a Christian college and to study art.  During my senior year, I took "Contemporary Art and Criticism," and to be honest it was one of my least favorite art history classes. It was a class in which we had to study "what is art?," "who defines what art is?," and "oh..look at this lovely paint splatter...isn't it so profound?" taught by a don't-just-paint-what-you-see...paint-what-you-feel wack-a-doo  professor.  There was one story, however, that I remember him telling during one of his many rabbit-trail lectures that still resonates with me.  I don't remember the topic of the conversation, what painting we happened to be looking at, or even what his point really was, but I remember thinking that out of all the chapels and sermons and Bible lectures I sat through during my college years, this was a life-changing and refreshing perspective on God that I never heard before.      

"When I go to Paris," he said, "I go to all of the most familiar places first- the ones that I know well and can find easily on foot....my favorite little bakery that has the most delectable buttery croissants, a little cafe in a back alley that makes espresso I love, the market that has the most delicious cheeses and fresh lunchmeat.  I go to all of those places and gather what I want.  Then I can really enjoy the city and look around because I have my bearings and my hunger is satisfied.        
"I do the same thing when I pray.  I cling to the character of God that is familiar and I know best, a place in my heart and mind where He can easily be found.  Sometimes He is Father, sometimes He is Friend, Confidant, or Healer.  When I find Him, the part of me that longs to be near Him is satisfied. We can enjoy our time together, and He can then reveal more of Himself to me."

(I just love the way artsy people think!)

There was a time in my life when God was easy to be found.  In my mind, the truth that I clung to above all else was this:  If I am obedient, and good, and serve Him, and love Him, then He will give me what I ask for.  I had invested many-a-good-works, and time and energy into this philosophy.  It was a comfortable place to sit down and commune with God over cups of tea as we discussed the plans I had for my life.  Then, as you know, God shook me to my very core by taking away the very thing I asked Him for again and again and again and again.  Child after child that I had prayed for was taken away, and all of a sudden this God that I thought I knew could not be found.  No buttery croissants or cheeses for me.

In the midst of pain for what I had been taken away from me, I didn't realize what a gift it was to be lost, confused, and hungry.  What an amazing experience it is for God to take me to a place where I did not recognize Him!  It is there that I have found the True God of the Bible.  It is the only place He could call me to know Him- to really know Him.  And just very recently, I feel like I can say that.  I know I only found Him because He was searching for me.  And in His graciousness and mercy, He was able to meet me where I was, as who as was.

It was His gift to me to allow me to be lost.  It was the only way that He could be found.

I think the best place to start when I can not find Him, is worship; a sacrifice of praise when I do not feel like praising Him.  For me, worship isn't singing, sitting over Scriptures and mulling over it for hours, or even spending time listening to sermon after sermon searching for truth (although all of these are good things).  I think true worship, for anyone, is doing something that causes us to come to a place where "He is God and we are not."  For me, it is in these three areas:  as student, as teacher, and as artist.  In the next few posts, I want to write about how He has met me and how I have met Him while I am being who He has called me to be.

So I'll leave you with a "To be continued...." and a few questions to mull over.  I'd love to hear your answers...

What characters of God do you cling to when you feel like you are lost?
What is your "spiritual act of worship" that causes you see Him the most clearly?