Along the path of creativity, I've had a few "aha" moments: moments that can only come when I stop striving for the nebulous concept of "healing" and let God meet me where I am. It is on the path of creativity that I see Him most clearly... where He is Creator, and I am the created being, who has been given the gift of desiring to be creative.
These past two and a half months have been more difficult and more wonderful than I ever imagined they would be. Difficult because I miss Josiah. Wonderful because I have learned to love and appreciate and enjoy Molly in a more profound and deeper way than I ever thought possible. She is amazing. Talking like she's two and a half (along with the lovely attitude that comes with a two year old) and learning more every day. She is my sunshine.
And while I love being her mama, it is on the path of creativity with the purpose of blessing someone else that I have learned this lesson: I can strive and whine and groan and complain about how awful I feel, or I focus all of my energy into blessing someone else. I can't do both of those at once.
Maybe healing will come when I am...
trimming little toe nails
writing an amazing lesson plan for my 9th grade drawing class (and turning it in on time)
ironing a shirt for Justin
drawing a portrait of a friend's child
going grocery shopping for the 47th time for my home ec class
wiping a runny nose
laying down and taking time to enjoy the little kicks coming from my belly
digging in the sand box with a pink shovel with my favorite little sand sculptor
cooking dinner
Maybe I need to be more deliberate about blessing others than I am about trying to stomp my feet and wish pain away. Because if I'm loving who I'm supposed to love when I am supposed to love them doing what I'm supposed to do that shows I love them, I'm not going to miss anything. Not healing, not time, not any lesson that God wants to teach me. It is when I am wishing that I could show that love to Josiah when I most miss out on blessing the people God wants me to bless now.
Love God. Love people. Maybe that's all I need to do for now.
2 comments:
That's why I bake cookies. Yesterday I made some for a grieving friend and while focused on doing that, my own grief gets pushed to the side for a bit. I have now declared cookies as my love language.
That's yet another reason why you are awesome. Wish I could eat cookie dough.....oops...I mean bake cookies with you. :o)
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