Chapter 36: Bonding Evaluation #2

Our scheduled appointment was at 12:00, and in usual DYFS fashion, we were misinformed and our actual appointment was at 1:30.  We got to the big scary DYFS office building at 11:45, signed the clipboard to document our arrival time, and waited patiently.  Josiah did not.  I had put him down for a nap in the morning, and I don't think he actually slept.  I could sense the impending melt-down of a non-napped 17 month old.  I was praying they could take us quickly, and finally when Josiah's brother and grand parents were finished with their evaluation, the psychologist was able to see us at 12:30.

During the 45 minutes we waited, Josiah explored the hallway of mirrored ceilings and walls and waved and blew kisses at passers-by.  He was a hit.  I was a beaming proud mama.  We also saw Josiah's aunt pull in the parking lot around 12:15.  I texted her yesterday to tell that we were on at 12:00 and she was scheduled for 1:00.  I was glad they called us in before she came into the building.  I was not in the mood for chit-chatting.    

At 12:30 the psychologist comes into the waiting area to greet us.  She is wearing open-toed shinny black sandals that click on the dull tile floor, a black and white polka dot dress, and a string of pearls.  She has a round face and a half-gray, half-blond hair, well styled in a bob, and her face has well worn smile wrinkles.  She has a laptop set up at the end of a long table and invites us to sit down.   She explains the purpose the evaluation in a professional tone, pointing to each section of a contract with the back of her pen as she reads it.  She tells us that the evaluation will last an hour and half and that all the information she will gather today can be used in court.   

  We each sign and date the paperwork and the barrage of questions start. What a difference between a state psychologist and one that is from private practice!  I feel she is there to get a true picture of who we are and why we are foster parents.  She cares to know about Josiah’s relationship with Molly and with his biological family.  She asks about his development, how he behaves when he comes home from visitation, and about his daily routine.

She asks us about ourselves- what we do for a living, why we chose to foster, and why we want to adopt Josiah.  She figures out our ages and after asking our birthdays.  She has raised eyebrows, making it appear uncommon for people of our age to be in this situation.  She asks us about our history together.  We tell her that we’ve been dating since 9th grade.  I make the usual joke, “After seven and a half years of dating, I was too tired to have to break-in another boy, so I just married this one.”  I roll my eyes jokingly and point over my shoulder with my thumb to Justin who is playing blocks with Josiah on the floor.  And Justin chimes in, “I always tell my 9th grade Bible guys that I teach, ‘The only talent I have is picking a good wife.’ I married up.”

By golly, we are charming.   

After she is satisfied with the overall picture she has gathered, I go sit with Josiah and Justin on the floor.  We read books, sing songs, show off all our animal sounds.  She rarely looks up from her laptop.  I try to ignore the click-click-clicking of her typing.  I can only imagine she is recording everything we do and say. 

Josiah starts getting extremely cranky.  I look up at the clock and it is 1:00.  I chuckle to myself and regret asking for prayer in my last post for a “not happy kid at 1:00.”  Serves me right. I explain how over-due he was for his nap.  The doctor frowns and furrows her eyebrows sympathetically.  Josiah gets extremely clingy and pathetic.  The doctor asks Justin and me to leave the room for a minute and sit out the waiting room.  The instant the door closes behind us, Josiah starts crying.  Awesome.  She opens the door, he runs to us, I scoop him up, and he stops crying.  (Did you see that, doctor lady?)

We go back into the room and she tells us that we are finished.  I ask her if we’ll get to know the results of her findings.  She says, “I can’t tell you how the judge will rule in the case.  It’s a possibility that Talen (aka Josiah) may go back to his family because he is so young, but if he does, you have given him such a wonderful foundation.  You are outstanding parents.  If the judge does rule for him to be taken away from you, its not because anything you have or haven’t done.  Its obvious he is in a wonderful, loving home.” 

That wasn’t the “I’m going to tell the judge he should stay” answer that I wanted to hear, but I thank her and smile and tell her what a pleasure it was to meet her.

The doctor leaves for a minute and says, “I don’t know where his great-aunt is.  She was scheduled after you.  Is it possible for you to stay in the area until she arrives?”  We tell the doctor we saw her in the parking lot before the evaluation and we weren’t sure where she went.   

Justin gives her his cell phone number.  We pack the car up with one cranky boy.  Josiah sinks deep into his car seat and puts his hands behind his head to try to relax himself.   My nerves subside a little and I realize how hungry I am.  We drive five minutes away and get a bite to eat at McDonalds.  I take slow bites as we sit in the parking lot and I try to analyze what we said, the tone we said it in, if I would have changed anything.  Justin quickly tells me the futility of the conversation and I agree.  It’s over.  I can’t change anything now.

After killing an hour, we had back to the office building and find a spot in the shade.  I take Josiah out of his car seat and fashion a make-shift bed in the backseat with a little pillow.  Justin goes into the office to see if they had heard from Josiah’s great aunt.  They didn’t. 

We tried to figure out what may have happened.  She WAS here.  Had Fred told her they were running late?  Even so, she should be here by now.  We wait another 30 minutes and I tell Justin we need to go home for Molly’s sake.  It was now 2:45.  I go into the office and apologize that we can’t wait any longer.  They apologize also for the inconvenience and the confusion with the times we were scheduled.
 

I wonder what the judge is going to say when she hears the woman who wants Josiah so badly didn’t show up for a court appointed bonding evaluation.  I guess we’ll find out in October!