Chapter 21: Josiah's Birthday Celebration

I can't even begin to tell you how excited I was to celebrate Josiah's birthday.  In July when we heard that he was weeks away from moving to Georgia, we had a dedication at church for him.  Afterwards, we had a party in my parents' picnic pavilion.  It was a feat in itself that I waited until after everyone left to start crying.  Each time someone said goodbye to him, I thought it would be the last time they would see him.

When after a few months he was still with us, I was starting to conjure the Going-Away Party.  It would be an open-house.  No balloons.  No presents.  No cards.  It would just be an opportunity for people to see Josiah one last time and to pray for him.  It was going to be filled with lots of tears and heartache, but I knew it would be important to take pictures of him with everyone so I could add the photos to the memory box I would send with him- along with his first hat, first pair of shoes, and first blanket I wrapped him in.   Years from now, when he would go through it, he wouldn't know anyone's name or face, but he would know how many people loved him and prayed for him.  It was important for me to tell him how loved he was.

Never never never did I ever think we were going to have him for a WHOLE YEAR!  I could actually have a party with a real reason to celebrate.

That's what it felt like.  It felt like all of the itty-bitty victories and happy memories along the way came together in a culmination of one huge celebration surrounded by so many people that love him.  A year ago on the 19th, our Josiah was born.  One day later, we got the call that would forever change our lives.  And a year ago from tomorrow, we picked up a seven pound eight ounce five-day-old baby boy from the hospital.  It seems like it was yesterday. I know that's so cliche to say, but it really does.  I remember how long the car ride seemed to the hospital, how nervous I was to be a mom on such short notice, and how I tried my best to not fall in love too quickly before he was really "ours."  (That lasted about .3 seconds.)  This past year, I tried my very best to not look too far into Josiah's future- to savor each moment for what it was.  I didn't want to live this past year with..."This is our last Easter with him, our last Thanksgiving, our last Christmas...."  But with the kind of planner that I am, it's difficult.  Each holiday is bitter-sweet.  The sting of thinking that next year will be so dramatically different always adds just a small prick of pain to every happy memory I try to make with our little boy.

But a birthday?.... I was determined to make it a happy one.  I was hoping that I wouldn't be spending the whole birthday party thinking about his second birthday party that I probably won't be throwing him... and I didn't!  For once, I lived completely in the moment and was able to soak in all the glorious little things that happened...
- getting to decorate
- greeting our guests while I held Josiah in my arms- wearing his cute little Mickey outfit we bought weeks ago
- displaying his monthly photos I took with his bear
- Molly sleeping in her Minnie Mouse ears
-spending hours and hours and hours making a perfect slideshow of the hundreds of photos we took this year and watching people comment on what a happy, sweet boy he is
- watching him smile when the 40+ people sang him Happy Birthday inserting the name WE gave him into the song
- seeing his brother help him blow out the candle
- watching Josiah eat his cupcake so neatly and carefully and then me smearing frosting all over his cheeks, chin, and nose for better pictures
- tearing into his presents with him and his brother throwing away all the wrapping paper
- tickling him with tissue paper and hearing his belly laugh
- holding all of his birthday outfits under his chin and knowing I would most likely get to see him wear them.

It was a magical day.  There's no other way to explain it.  Every minute was one I never thought I would have, which made it that much easier to savor.

I just love him.  And I love being his mama.  And I loved being able to throw him a real party that when he looks at these pictures one day, he'll know exactly that.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all the people that helped to make this amazing day happen.  I tried listing all of the people who did so much, but it got too long and I didn't want to leave anyone out.  So to all of you who prayed and supported and celebrated with our family, I love you, and I thank you for helping Josiah know how important and special he is to all of us!