Four One-Month-Old Babies

This is the third time that I have visited my sister Robin and her husband Jason in Massachusetts since they moved there for Jason to attend seminary.  And each time, for some reason, there has always been a one month old baby with us.

The first time was when Justin's brother was married in Boston, and we got to stay with my sister.

Josiah was one month old.  I was five months pregnant with Molly.  I remember sitting in church while holding Josiah praying that we could keep him.  I remember thinking that this was the first church service that Molly could hear when she was inside of me.  And I remember praying that Josiah would be able to hear the same words spoken to him that were spoken to us during the service, about God's grace and the hope of Heaven.

The second time we visited Robin was when Molly was one month old and Josiah was six months old.  I remember Josiah sat up for the first time by himself when we were in her apartment.  I remember Molly crying and being such a fussy baby and Robin bouncing her.

And I remember on our way home, stopping to meet one month old Lydia for the first time and being thankful for the hope of Heaven.  

And this past visit was the third and last time we will be going to Massachusetts to see them. (Jason is graduating in May and they are moving soon).  I'll will always remember meeting my one month old nephew, Judah, for the first time.

I'll remember missing Josiah and Lydia, thinking they were here the last time we were.  I'll remember sitting in church on Easter morning, seven months pregnant with our baby girl, and being thankful for the hope of Heaven, and praying that all the children I've been blessed to meet will know this hope one day because my Savior lives.

Easter 2011

I've decided that the best thing in the entire world is watching people I love love people I love.  And such is the summary of this weekend.

Molly and Justin and I packed up the minivan and, along with my mom, headed to Massachusetts for an extended weekend to meet Molly's 4-week-old cousin, Judah.  She was a fan.

                                                  

But really, how can you not be?!?! Look at this little cutie!

(My mom makes the funniest faces when she's with babies.  These are the photos she probably wouldn't be too upset with me if I posted.)

There was lots of playing and cooking and Disney movies and felting and church and family time and lots of golf for the boys, and of course,  Easter-time fun!  

I think my favorite memory of the weekend was listening to Molly read to "Baby Jewah."

It was so fun watching my sister be a little Mommy.  :o)  What an adorable little family I have!  

And the cherry on top of the roadtrip....visiting this girl on the way home!  

(this is actually an old picture...I was way too excited to remember to bring my camera into her house.) 

What a refreshing and fun weekend...I really needed it!  

You are Good

Molly's Room

This weekend I tackled a big project.  It was time to clean out Molly's closet.  Not only is she growing out of her 18 months clothes, but it's time to put the winter clothes away and get out the spring and summer outfits.  I have some very generous friends who have lent me bins and bags of girl clothes.  It was finally time to sort through them all.  

But cleaning out the closets also meant that I had to start going through Josiah's clothes.  This was the last of the remnants that declared he lived there.  Memories cling to clothes like nothing else.  I remember him wearing each outfit as I put it away in a box.  I even found a couple of outfits that I should have sent along with him and a wave of guilt spilled over me as I told myself I had the opportunity to bless him with something else and I missed it because his closet was too messy.  I found his old crib bumper and tucked it away in the closet.

and his little gingerbread costume he wore when he was with his cousins for the last time.  

(I think he stole Jesse's cookie here and he wasn't too happy about it.)  

It's funny how memories of him can make me smile and cry at the same time.  I wonder when they will start to sting less.  

But in the midst of sadness for what I've lost, each item that I put away felt like the opportunity to bless another little boy with them one day.  It will probably be one of Molly's cousins that will wear them.  Maybe Micah (my older sister's adorable miracle baby.)

                                  

Or Judah (my younger sister's little gem who I get to meet in 4 days!!!!!!!!)... this is his Zoolander impression.

Here is the "I feel like I belong on Hoarders" shot in the "it always looks worse before it looks better" phase.

And the final result!  

I'm tempted to start going through the newborn clothes and adding them to the closet too, but it's nice that this is just Molly's room right now.  This is a very very short phase in her life when she doesn't have to share anything....here's proof that she's enjoying this season...  

(this is our slide/trampoline addition to the living room) 

But something tells me she's not going to mind sharing too much.  

It's fun to think about how many changes this room has been through in the 4 years we have lived here.  

A guest room

A room a student teacher lived in for 6 weeks

Josiah's room 

Josiah and Nino's room 

Josiah's room again

Josiah and Molly's room 

Molly's room 

and in a few short months...

THE GIRLS' ROOM!  (and maybe it can stay that way for a while)  

But for now, enjoy the peace and quiet and lots of closet space, Molly!  

Creativity and Healing

I realize I've been a little m.i.a. from my blog lately. I've been pouring my time into a creative endeavor.  I can't exactly tell you what I am working on because its a gift for someone.  I'll spill the beans after I give it to them.   :o)

Along the path of creativity, I've had a few "aha" moments: moments that can only come when I stop striving for the nebulous concept of "healing" and let God meet me where I am.  It is on the path of creativity that I see Him most clearly... where He is Creator, and I am the created being, who has been given the gift of desiring to be creative.

These past two and a half months have been more difficult and more wonderful than I ever imagined they would be.  Difficult because I miss Josiah.  Wonderful because I have learned to love and appreciate and enjoy Molly in a more profound and deeper way than I ever thought possible.  She is amazing.  Talking like she's two and a half (along with the lovely attitude that comes with a two year old) and learning more every day.  She is my sunshine.

And while I love being her mama, it is on the path of creativity with the purpose of blessing someone else that I have learned this lesson: I can strive and whine and groan and complain about how awful I feel, or I focus all of my energy into blessing someone else.  I can't do both of those at once.  

Maybe healing will come when I am...

trimming little toe nails

writing an amazing lesson plan for my 9th grade drawing class (and turning it in on time)

ironing a shirt for Justin

drawing a portrait of a friend's child

going grocery shopping for the 47th time for my home ec class

wiping a runny nose

laying down and taking time to enjoy the little kicks coming from my belly 

digging in the sand box with a pink shovel with my favorite little sand sculptor

cooking dinner

Maybe I need to be more deliberate about blessing others than I am about trying to stomp my feet and wish pain away.  Because if I'm loving who I'm supposed to love when I am supposed to love them doing what I'm supposed to do that shows I love them, I'm not going to miss anything.  Not healing, not time, not any lesson that God wants to teach me.  It is when I am wishing that I could show that love to Josiah when I most miss out on blessing the people God wants me to bless now.  

Love God.  Love people.  Maybe that's all I need to do for now.    

Something beautiful